When Shared DNA Isn’t Enough: Lessons from Korea

I currently don’t really like Korea, and I think, to some extent, it has to do with my expectations before I arrived. I expected to make Korean friends somewhat easily and to connect with this part of my heritage, but I feel very out of place here. This has made me realize that shared DNA doesn’t mean shared culture, language, or ways of behaving. I also expected the culture to be welcoming to foreigners, which, to me, it isn’t really. It’s welcoming to tourists, but only to an extent they often seem to be treated more as cash cows than as people.

In most countries I’ve visited, I’m used to being greeted, whereas here I feel very isolated, like an invisible person. Beneath my “I don’t like Korea” feeling, I realize that I don’t like feeling invisible or disconnected from others. I think this experience has amplified some loneliness I might have already been feeling in the States, and it has made me feel as though there aren’t many countries that would be truly welcoming to foreigners.

I feel like this experience has really made me understand my place in the world as a Westerner. My dislike of the country reflects a broader need for connection and for meeting new people. It’s also amplifying a general loneliness and the struggle I usually feel when trying to make friends.

This discomfort is forcing me to put myself out there and try to make new friends. I usually hit a wall and isolate, but today I feel more motivated to engage with others. To cope, I’ve been leaning into online support groups, though perhaps that is making things harder.

Looking back, I think my expectations were a bit unrealistic, shaped by a false projection of found identity and belonging. I guess I thought that because I had invested a lot of time into learning the language, connecting with locals would be easier.

I also think the pain of this experience has given me a lot of empathy for anyone who visits another country and struggles with the language or is of a different nationality. Humans can be very judgmental, and this has made me more aware of how isolating it can feel to be on the outside. I even miss the small, everyday interactions like the brief greetings or small talk I’d have in stores or on the street. I didn’t realize how much those little connections made me feel seen and part of a community. On top of that, I really hate when people hear my nationality and feel the need to say annoying or judgmental things about my country without knowing anything about it. Needless to say this experience has redefined my understanding of community.

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